Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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