Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
