why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
