The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize