i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
