I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
