if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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