she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
