I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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