I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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