She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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