Your tits are I can't wait for
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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