I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
