A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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