i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
