member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize