i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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