I'm so fucking centered right now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
