Cold hands, warm shart.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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