their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
