i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize