even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
