Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
