i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
