Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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