i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize