i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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