The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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