He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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