why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
