i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
