it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
