I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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