Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize