i permit you to call me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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