If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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