now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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