i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
