you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
