Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
