Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
tell me about the eggs
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
