She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
