how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
