It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
