I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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