I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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