I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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