The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize