I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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