I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
