No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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