I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
