your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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