I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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