Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
