My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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