you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
