Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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