I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
