i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
