My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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