Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drake has all the answers
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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