you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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