I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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