I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is Oprah even human
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
