You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i have two assholes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
