I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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