People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
