Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize