Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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