I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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