but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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