Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I believe in your delicious
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
