Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
