I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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