I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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