why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
