Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
