the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
