got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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