Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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