That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
