Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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