they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
