Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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