i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this hospital has no fireball
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
