brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
