I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
