Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
