yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
