The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
