when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
