i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
