then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize