HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
