So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
