Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
