so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
