Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
