no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
