I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
